18 Behaviors of Emotionally Intelligent People

http://motto.time.com/4117921/emotional-intelligence-signs/?xid=time_socialflow_facebook
Travis Bradberry / Inc.

When emotional intelligence (EQ) first appeared to the masses, it served as the missing link in a peculiar finding: people with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70 percent of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held assumption that IQ was the sole source of success.

Decades of research now point to emotional intelligence as being the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90 percent of top performers have high emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the “something” in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.

Despite the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it difficult to measure and to know what to do to improve it if you’re lacking. You can always take a scientifically validated test, such as the one that comes with the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book, but unfortunately, most such tests aren’t free. So, I’ve analyzed the data from the million-plus people TalentSmart has tested in order to identify the behaviors that are the hallmarks of a high EQ. What follows are sure signs that you have a high EQ.

1. You have a robust emotional vocabularyAll people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify them as they occur. Our research shows that only 36 percent of people can do this, which is problematic because unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices and counterproductive actions.

People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so. While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling “bad,” emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel “irritable,” “frustrated,” “downtrodden,” or “anxious.” The more specific your word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it, and what you should do about it.

2. You’re curious about peopleIt doesn’t matter if they’re introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are curious about everyone around them. This curiosity is the product of empathy, one of the most significant gateways to a high EQ. The more you care about other people and what they’re going through, the more curiosity you’re going to have about them.

3. You embrace changeEmotionally intelligent people are flexible and are constantly adapting. They know that fear of change is paralyzing and a major threat to their success and happiness. They look for change that is lurking just around the corner, and they form a plan of action should these changes occur.

4. You know your strengths and weaknessesEmotionally intelligent people don’t just understand emotions; they know what they’re good at and what they’re terrible at. They also know who pushes their buttons and the environments (both situations and people) that enable them to succeed. Having a high EQ means you know your strengths and how to lean into and use them to your full advantage while keeping your weaknesses from holding you back.

5. You’re a good judge of characterMuch of emotional intelligence comes down to social awareness; the ability to read other people, know what they’re about, and understand what they’re going through. Over time, this skill makes you an exceptional judge of character. People are no mystery to you. You know what they’re all about and understand their motivations, even those that lie hidden beneath the surface.

Inc.com: Why You Need Emotional Intelligence to Succeed

6. You are difficult to offendIf you have a firm grasp of who you are, it’s difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded, which creates a pretty thick skin. You may even poke fun at yourself or let other people make jokes about you because you are able to mentally draw the line between humor and degradation.

7. You know how to say no (to yourself and others)Emotional intelligence means knowing how to exert self-control. You delay gratification and avoid impulsive action. Research conducted at the University of California, San Francisco, shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Saying no is a major self-control challenge for many people, but “No” is a powerful word that you should unafraid to wield. When it’s time to say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid phrases such as “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” Saying no to a new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.

8. You let go of mistakesEmotionally intelligent people distance themselves from their mistakes, but do so without forgetting them. By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy enough to refer to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success. It takes refined self-awareness to walk this tightrope between dwelling and remembering. Dwelling too long on your mistakes makes you anxious and gun shy, while forgetting about them completely makes you bound to repeat them. The key to balance lies in your ability to transform failures into nuggets of improvement. This creates the tendency to get right back up every time you fall down.

9. You give and expect nothing in returnWhen someone gives you something spontaneously, without expecting anything in return, this leaves a powerful impression. For example, you might have an interesting conversation with someone about a book, and when you see them again a month later, you show up with the book in hand. Emotionally intelligent people build strong relationships because they are constantly thinking about others.

10. You don’t hold grudgesThe negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event sends your body into fight-or-flight mode, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. When the threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when the threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means you’re holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Letting go of a grudge not only makes you feel better now but can also improve your health.

Inc.com: Why You Should Hire for Emotional Intelligence

11. You neutralize toxic peopleDealing with difficult people is frustrating and exhausting for most. But high-EQ individuals control their interactions with toxic people by keeping their feelings in check. When they need to confront a toxic person, they approach the situation rationally. They identify their own emotions and don’t allow anger or frustration to fuel the chaos. They also consider the difficult person’s standpoint and are able to find solutions and common ground. Even when things completely derail, emotionally intelligent people are able to take the toxic person with a grain of salt to avoid letting him or her bring them down.

12. You don’t seek perfectionEmotionally intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know that it doesn’t exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure that makes you want to give up or reduce your effort. You end up spending time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and should have done differently instead of moving forward, excited about what you’ve achieved and what you will accomplish in the future.

13. You appreciate what you haveTaking time to contemplate what you’re grateful for isn’t merely the right thing to do; it also improves your mood by reducing the stress hormone cortisol (in some cases by 23 percent). Research conducted at the University of California, Davis, found that people who work daily to cultivate an attitude of gratitude experience improved mood, energy, and physical well-being. It’s likely that lower levels of cortisol play a major role in this.

14. You disconnectTaking regular time off the grid is a sign of a high EQ because it helps you to keep your stress under control and to live in the moment. When you make yourself available to your work 24/7, you expose yourself to a constant barrage of stressors. Forcing yourself offline and even–gulp!–turning off your phone gives your body and mind a break. Studies have shown that something as simple as an email break can lower stress levels. Technology enables constant communication and the expectation that you should be available 24/7. It is extremely difficult to enjoy a stress-free moment outside of work when an email with the power to bring your thinking (read: stressing) back to work can drop onto your phone at any moment.

15. You limit your caffeine intakeDrinking excessive amounts of caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline, which is the primary source of a fight-or-flight response. The fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational thinking in favor of a faster response to ensure survival. This is great when a bear is chasing you, but not so great when you’re responding to a curt email. When caffeine puts your brain and body into this hyper-aroused state of stress, your emotions overrun your behavior. Caffeine’s long half-life ensures you stay this way as it takes its sweet time working its way out of your body. High-EQ individuals know that caffeine is trouble, and they don’t let it get the better of them.

Inc.com: 5 Aspects of Emotional Intelligence Required for Effective Leadership

16. You get enough sleepIt’s difficult to overstate the importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence and managing your stress levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling through the day’s memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams) so that you wake up alert and clearheaded. High-EQ individuals know that their self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when they don’t get enough–or the right kind–of sleep. So, they make sleep a top priority.

17. You stop negative self-talk in its tracksThe more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just that–thoughts, not facts. When it feels like something always or never happens, this is just your brain’s natural tendency to perceive threats (inflating the frequency or severity of an event). Emotionally intelligent people separate their thoughts from the facts in order to escape the cycle of negativity and move toward a positive, new outlook.

18. You won’t let anyone limit your joyWhen your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something they’ve done, they won’t let anyone’s opinions or snide remarks take that away from them. While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within.

This article originally appeared on Inc.com

Identify Your Thinking Style

5 Signs Of High Emotional Intelligence

http://www.forbes.com/sites/markmurphy/2016/05/08/5-signs-of-high-emotional-intelligence/?linkId=24295569#642e925dc539
Mark Murphy I solve the “people pain points” that keep leaders awake at night.

Emotional intelligence predicts people’s ability to regulate themselves, manage other people, and achieve success. Research shows a link between emotional intelligence and career success. Not everyone is born with it, but unlike IQ, emotional intelligence can be acquired and improved with practice. So, how can we tell if someone’s got it or not? Here are five signs of people with high emotional intelligence. These are qualities that are easy to assess in every day situations.


Credit: Shutterstock

Sign No. 1: They handle criticism without denial, blame, excuses or anxiety.

One of the hallmarks of high emotional intelligence is self-awareness. Self-awareness is a deep understanding of what makes us tick; what angers us, makes us happy, bores and interests us. It’s also means that we can appraise ourselves, faults and all, with great honesty and clarity. So when people with high emotional intelligence make a mistake and get criticized for it, it doesn’t send them into an emotional tailspin. It’s simply a fact to be noted, analyzed and corrected.

Not everyone with high emotional intelligence reacts to criticism in the same exact way. Some people deal with it more empathically, and instantly wonder “Why did this person just criticize me?” And they seek to understand “what does this criticism mean for our working relationship moving forward?” Others handle criticism more like a process engineer looking to root-cause a product defect, systematically dissecting every step leading up to the thing they just got criticized for. Their first thought is “I need to figure out exactly what went wrong.” If you want to discover your personal style of handling criticism, you can take this free quiz, “How Do You React To Constructive Criticism?”

Regardless of the exact nature of their reaction, people with high emotional intelligence do not deny it, blame others, make excuses or melt into a pool of anxiety.

If you’ve ever heard people say, “That rule doesn’t apply to me” or “My performance was just fine” (when it clearly wasn’t), you’ve witnessed denial. These are folks who are so defensive and walled-off, or their egos are so fragile, that they’re simply not ready for feedback. They are, in effect, saying, “There’s no problem; my performance was absolutely fine. If you don’t like the results, that’s a problem with your judgment, not my performance.”

Others exhibit blame. Blame is the unspoken acknowledgment that constructive feedback is warranted (i.e., the outcomes were subpar) coupled with an unwillingness to admit any personal fault. You’ll hear things like “OK, results weren’t perfect, but if you want to know where the problem is, go talk to Accounting about why they didn’t get the right data to my team before the deadline.”

Excuses are another reaction common to folks with lower emotional intelligence. An excuse is an admission of subpar results plus an admission of fault that is coupled with a host of extenuating factors that no normal human could possibly have overcome. Unlike blame, it won’t be another person or department that gets thrown under the bus but rather your servers, procedures, phone systems, and the like.

Then there’s anxiety. Here, the actual subpar performance and culpability have been fully acknowledged, but the person lacks the readiness to move forward and improve future performance. People in anxiety say things like, “There’s no way we’ll finish in time” or “We’ve tried to fix this before, and it just didn’t work.”

Sign No. 2: They’re open-minded.

A high level of self-awareness lets emotionally-intelligent people listen to a situation without reacting to judgment. They don’t automatically dismiss ideas just because they are different from their own. This makes them a popular go-to person when there’s trouble, issues, challenges or just a need for a sympathetic ear. You won’t find them chit-chatting all day, or tolerating negative personalities, but they do have a knack for helping people quickly set things right.

Sign No. 3: They’re good listeners.

Great listening requires a developed listening structure that separates the facts from interpretations, reactions and ends. People with emotional intelligence can identify the emotions that shut down their ability to listen. They’ve worked at developing the ability to divorce themselves from those emotions so they can remain open and able hear what is really being said.

Sign No. 4: They don’t sugarcoat the truth.

Emotional intelligence requires recognizing emotions in others, but this other awareness doesn’t mean shying away from speaking the truth or using tricks to try and soften the blow of tough feedback. People with emotional intelligence know how important it is that tough messages get heard. You won’t hear blatant candor that could possibly shut down the conversation, but you will hear a clear message that might sound something like this: “Frank, I’ve got a tough message to deliver. There’s no getting around it, but I want you to understand that I’m doing this out of a concern for your wellbeing. Because if you don’t fix this stuff, your career here is in jeopardy.”

Sign No. 5: They apologize when they’re wrong.

People with high emotional intelligence don’t invest valuable time trying to prove they are right when they realize they’re wrong. Instead of looking for excuses, they offer a simple, honest apology that lets them quickly get back on track. It sounds something like this: “I’m sorry” I messed up and chose some bad words that sounded like I was attacking you. This is not what I intended. Can I try again?”

There are many indicators that someone has high emotional intelligence. But these five signs are quick tests that you can witness every day at work. And they’ll quickly help you assess whether the person in question does, or does not, have high levels of emotional intelligence.

Mark Murphy is a NY Times bestseller, author of Hiring For Attitude, and founder ofLeadership IQ.

7 Ciri-ciri Mereka yang Mempunyai Kecerdasan Emosional yang Tinggi

http://bagusberlian.com/7-ciri-ciri-mereka-yang-mempunyai-kecerdasan-emosional-yang-tinggi/

Bagus Berlian

Akhir-akhir ini, kita semakin sadar bahwa kecerdasan emosional ini sangat penting bagi tiap individu dalam menunjang kesuksesan dan kebahagiaan mereka, baik di tempat kerja, pergaulan hingga kehidupan keluarga. Memiliki kecerdasan emosional yang tinggi akan membantu anda dalam bersikap praktis ketika di hadapkan pada suatu permasalahan. Untuk itu, kali ini saya akan sharingkan apa saja ciri-ciri mereka yang mempunyai kecerdasan emosional yang tinggi. Harapannya, hal ini akan menjadi referensi kita bersama untuk kehidupan kita yang lebih bermanfaat dan bahagia kedepannya.

1. Fokus pada Hal-hal yang Positif

Mereka yang memiliki kecerdasan emosional tinggi sadar bahwa percuma saja berlarut-larut dengan masalah. Fokus pada masalah tidak akan pernah membawa solusi, sebaliknya bersikap positif dalam menyikapi masalah akan membawa anda pada solusi yang tepat untuk menyelesaikan permasalahan anda.

2. Mereka yang Berpikiran Positif akan Berkumpul dengan Mereka yang Berpikir Positif Pula

Orang-orang dengan kecerdasan emosional tinggi tidak akan menghabiskan banyak waktu dengan berkumpul bersama mereka yang suka mengeluh dan mengumpat. Mendengarkan keluh kesah dari mereka yang suka berpikir negatif hanya akan membawa menghabiskan energi kita pada hal yang percuma. Sebaliknya, berkumpul dengan orang yang memiliki pikiran positif dan penuh semangat akan membuat kita tertular juga. Dan inilah yang pada akhirnya akan meningkatkan kecerdasan emosional anda juga.

3. Orang dengan Kecerdasan Emosional Tinggi selalu Assertive

Assertive adalah sebuah sikap tegas dalam mengemukakan suatu pendapat, tanpa harus melukai perasaan lawan bicaranya. Orang yang assertive sangat tahu betul kapan mereka harus bicara, kapan mereka harus mengemukakan suatu pendapat dan bagaimana cara yang tepat untuk memberikan sebuah solusi tanpa harus menggurui. Dan yang pasti mereka yang memiliki sikap assertive selalu berpikir terlebih dahulu sebelum bicara.

4. Mereka adalah Visioner yang siap Melupakan Kegagalan di Masa Lalu

Orang-orang dengan kecerdasan emosional yang tinggi akan sibuk memikirkan apa yang akan dilakukannya di masa depan dan segera melupakan kegagalan di masa lalu. Baginya kegagalan di masa lalu adalah sebuah pelajaran yang penting diambil untuk mengambil langkah yang lebih mantab di masa yang akan datang.

5. Mereka Tahu Cara Membuat Hidup Lebih Bahagia dan Bermakna

Dimanapun mereka berada, apakah itu di tempat kerja, di rumah ataupun berkumpul dengan teman-teman, orang dengan kecerdasan emosional yang tinggi akan membawa kebahagiaan bagi sesamanya. Terkadang arti bahagia bagi mereka tidak harus sebuah kekayaan. Bersyukur akan nikmat yang didapat hari ini dan membantu orang lain yang membutuhkan pertolongannya akan membuat mereka merasa bahagia dan bermakna.

6. Mereka Tahu Bagaimana Mengeluarkan Energi Mereka secara Bijak

Mereka yang dikaruniai kecerdasan emosional tinggi, tahu bagaimana memanfaatkan energi mereka dengan bijak.Mereka tidak akan menghabiskan waktu untuk hal-hal yang percuma saja. Mereka akan fokus pada tindakan-tindakan yang akan membawa manfaat bagi sesamanya.

7. Terus Belajar dan Berkembang

Mereka yang memiliki kecerdasan emosional tinggi sadar, bahwa apa yang ia ketahui saat ini masih belumlah apa-apa. Baginya, belajar bukanlah 12 tahun wajib belajar dan 4 tahun kuliah. Wajib belajar adalah seumur hidup. Mereka selalu terbuka akan hal-hal baru dan berani mencoba berbagai macam tantangan yang akan membuat mereka berkembang. Kritik dan saran dari orang lain akan dijadikan sebagai referensi baru dalam mengambil langkah dan keputusan di masa yang akan datang.

“It isn’t stress that makes us fall – it;s how we respond to stressful events.” – Wayde Goodall

5 Must-Know Things Every CEO Needs To Start A Business Right

http://www.inc.com/betty-liu/5-must-know-things-every-ceo-needs-to-start-a-business-right.html?cid=sf01001&sr_share=twitter

BY BETTY LIU

IMAGE: Getty Images

Starting a business is very risky. Even though failure rates have steadily come down since the Great Recession, a new business is more likely to go under than thrive. If you're in financial services, your chances of success are as low as 42%. If you're in retail, your chances go up, but just slightly.

It may come as no surprise but the reason behind the failures rarely has to do with neglect or outside disasters. Almost all the time, it's because management is incompetent. Reasons range from a founder/CEO going into a business for all the wrong reasons (ie just to make lots of money only) or overspending or a total lack of focus.

So how do you make sure you're starting your business on the right foot? Below are five critical things every CEO of a new company needs to know:

1. Better to be alone than hiring the wrong team: When you start a business, you need to have a strong team around you. The problem is founders become so desperate for a team to prove they have a viable idea that they often rush into hiring co-founders. Chances are you're better off staying alone until you find the right person or persons than hiring the wrong person just to have a warm body next to you. Whatever is bothering you about the person off the bat is going to get even worse, not better. (For more on how CEOs manage staff, listen to our latest podcast episode featuring renowned global thinker Mohamed el-Erian. He talks about "strategic yelling" as a management tool. Click here.)
2. Sitting on a product too long: I recently had the chance to host a lunch for Eric Ries, the bestselling author of The Lean Startup, whose basic theory is businesses have to test and test their idea or product before it's fully ready. Conventional wisdom suggests you should research and hone your product before fully launching it; Ries' argument is that you waste valuable time on a product that might not even fit the market. Your best bet is to test the product out first on customers and get the feedback, then use that feedback to refine your product. While his method doesn't guarantee success, he says it will certainly guarantee fewer failures.
3. Overspending/Underspending and not knowing the difference: Unless you're a Wall Street firm with outside facing business, forget the fancy office. A few desks in the beginning will do. However, having a great looking logo or premium-looking website is a must. CEOs have to understand where to spend and where to keep costs low. That fancy foozball table just to make your employees feel like they're working for a cool company? Forget it.
4. Keep your board small: This really applies to founders who've sought outside funding. Scott Kurnit, the founder of About.com and Keep.com, says no startup wants to or needs to start off with a big board. You may think it looks impressive but it will inevitably become a headache. Scott's half-kidding but real advice is to find a friend with low net worth and put him or her on the board-that way, if the company one day gets sued, nobody can claim a significant reward from board members. The CEO should always be on the board but not the co-founders; that leads to very awkward and uncomfortable situations later.
5. Establish your culture early: Culture is not a feel-good thing you should do; it's a thing you absolutely have to do. A company culture is vital to the success and well-being of your growing staff. It's critical for hiring talent and it also forms the foundation by which the founders interact. Scott established a culture very early on and you can read it here. There's also the famous Netflix slide on culture that has inspired many companies, including my own.

Why You Need to Learn How to Speak a Leadership Vocabulary

http://www.inc.com/lolly-daskal/why-you-need-to-learn-how-to-speak-a-leadership-vocabulary.html

BY LOLLY DASKAL

IMAGE: Getty Images
The words you say and the way you say them can make the difference between your team's success or failure.

In leadership, as in most fields, there's a specialized vocabulary. But, unlike the language of most fields, the words that mean the most in leadership aren't technical jargon. They reflect the kind of language that virtually everyone knows and uses--a series of everyday phrases, affirmations and mantras.

Our leadership vocabulary is designed to guide people toward doing two things: First,to trust your judgment and ability to lead, and second, to contribute their own best effort to the team.

If we can learn to speak the vocabulary of leadership, we not only motivate people butinspire them to succeed.

Here are the basics:

1. Go for it. It happens all the time in organizations:  things get put on hold and a decision that should have been immediate instead has to go through 17 layers of decision making. Momentum is lost and the moment to act passes. To build a strong team, and to make things happen you  must give your people the power to make things happen and let them know they can go for it.
2. What do you think? Asking for input gives you the benefit of the your entire team's expertise, experience, and perspectives, and it also shows that you're open to listening and learning. Leading isn't about personal wins--it's about what serves the mission, and that requires collaboration. Ask your people what they think....
3. I trust you. When you express trust in someone, you demonstrate your faith in their judgment and abilities and commitment. Trust inspires people to be bold and get out there and do things. It's a powerful feeling, to be handed the keys. When you say, I trust you. You are telling your people I know I can count on you.
4. Let's take a chance. Taking a risk requires confidence, and sometimes you have to impart that confidence second hand. You can expect people to sit around and wait for extraordinary opportunities, or you can encourage them to be daring and create their own opportunities, knowing you'll continue to support them even if they fail.
5. Keep exploring. Sometimes before you can give a green light you need more information. Sometimes you need to weigh out a whole range of options. "Keep exploring" tells your team the importance of preparing fully and considering all the possibilities.
6. Here's what's going on. The best leaders have a gentle and straightforward way of communicating the truth. Transparency is the surest path to trust--it keeps people informed and it keeps destructive rumor mills out of business.  Ask when you can, what is going on and be informed.
7. I would like your feedback. When you ask your team for feedback you open yourself up to learning what is, and isn't, working as it should. You tell them that every member of the team--even the leader--needs input from the others to operate at their smartest and best. Remember feedback is the gift that you can always give.
8. I messed up. Three simple words say you can admit you've made a mistake and work through the consequences without blaming others or making excuses. When you say "I messed up," you're modeling how to be the kind of person who can give their best to everything even if you occasionally get it wrong. It's a powerful lesson.
9. Let's remember this. When people are working together intently and everyone is deeply focused on the task in front of them, the way to create something truly extraordinary is to remind them why they're working so hard. Keep your team connected to your shared vision by reminding them what you're all there to do and how they make a difference.
10. I appreciate you because ...  Expressing gratitude and appreciation are the best use you can ever make of your time and words. Let people know how much you appreciate them and how they've impressed you. Be specific and personal and sincere.

Your vocabulary as a leader can make you or break you. Start with these basics and keep building on them to help you succeed.

Seven Ways Leaders Earn Their Teammates' Respect

http://www.forbes.com/sites/lizryan/2016/04/02/seven-ways-leaders-earn-their-teammates-respect/2/#55e6d04457f5
by Liz Ryan 

Here are seven things leaders do to earn the respect of their team members:

1. You will organize a regular staff meeting at which you’ll tell your teammates “At each of our staff meetings, I’ll share with you whatever news I have about the company’s progress and challenges. We’ll brainstorm about the most important topics for us to consider each week, from schedules to project statuses to vacation times or whatever we need to address. I want to hear from you about anything we need to pay attention to. I want to know how I can help you best.”
2. You’ll meet one-on-one with each of your employees to talk about his or her work specifically. This is not a meeting at which an employee has to justify his or her job’s existence, so make sure your employees know that. It’s a meeting at which you’ll listen to whatever your employees want to tell you, and you’ll ask them how you can help them accomplish their goals.
3. You will be careful not to criticize, second-guess or undermine your teammates, who know their jobs better than you do. You’ll take an advisory role. You’ll remember that people work best when they’re respected and given the latitude to do their jobs their own way. You may have a better idea, but your better idea can wait. You need your team’s respect more than you need to impress your boss with a quick fix that will make you look good.
4. You will treat your team members’ observations and suggestions with the utmost respect. That means that when someone tells you something in confidence, you’ll keep their confidence by keeping their feedback to yourself. You won’t talk about one teammate with another employee, no matter what.
5. You will tell the truth to your supervisor about changes that need to happen in your department or about processes or requirements that are not in line with reality. You won’t gain anyone’s trust by telling your teammates “I know our targets are crazy, but what can I do? We have to do our best!” That’s what a spineless supervisor would say. We all have to find our voices at work, and managers must do it on a daily basis!
6. You won’t use the power of your position to get things done, either with your own teammates or with other departments. If you have to throw around the authority of your job title to get things done, you have not developed the core of leadership strength that real leaders possess. You’ll develop that core that by stepping out of your comfort zone to tell the truth about sticky topics that need airtime. Little by little as you use your new muscles, they will grow.
7. You will lose the force field of fake power and control that many new managers cultivate — you’ll stay and open and human with your teammates, and get used to saying “I have no idea what to do about this situation — what do you guys think?” You won’t pretend that being the supervisor means you are smarter or better than anyone else. You’ll laugh at your mistakes and ask for help when you need it.

You’ll have more fun and be more successful Leading with a Human Voice than leading with the old-fashioned carrot and stick that have made so many working people miserable and made their supervisors objects of contempt and derision. You are better than that.

You don’t need to act like a boss. You will lead your new teammates through trust and all of you will grow your flames in the process.